I am a woman. I love being a woman. A woman who is conscious. 

I am straight. I love falling in love with a man. A man who loves my resilience, voice, and mind.

I am a Chicana. I love my heritage. A heritage that resonates within my soul.

I am a sister. I love being a sister. A sister who shares an unbreakable bond with her siblings. 

I am a daughter. I love my mom and dad. A mom and dad who have loved me unconditionally and always stayed by my side.

I am a reader. I love a good book. A book that takes me away, and then away again.

I am a writer. I love writing down a million words. A million words that come together to tell my story.

I am a cry-baby. I love having a good cry. A long, dramatic cry over something trivial and over something real. 

I am messy. I love making a mess of things. A mess that I procrastinate to even get started cleaning.

I am crazy. I love being a crazy person. A crazy person who isn’t afraid to break through normal, restrictive boundaries. 

I am imperfect. I love having many imperfections within myself. A perfect person is just not me.

I am hopeful. I love having hope within every ounce of me. A hopeful person can inspire the next to hold hope in their own heart.   

I am human. I love being remarkably human. A completely complex, imperfect and crazy human in this insanely scary and beautiful world.

I am all of these things and more.

I am what I am.

And…

I am good enough for me, I am good enough.

 

 

A letter to myself and you…

What is that?

That feeling of calm and exhilarating silence. Do you feel that?It might only last for a moment, so relax… Allow the feeling to comfort you, whisper to you, engulf you with warmth.

What is that feeling?

It is a moment in which the mind is still. Impossible for this to happen? No. It happens ever so often, but sometimes only lasts as little as five seconds. If you let it, it can last for days.

Is the mind ever truly still? Our mind is in a constant battle with the world and our identity. Who are you? And what does the world want you to be?

I am a feminist. Man-hater, cave-woman, lesbian.
I wouldn’t say I am a feminist. Weak, submissive, You don’t want rights for women???
I am gay. You don’t deserve rights, sinner, disgusting.
I love God. God isn’t real, Religious people are annoying.
I don’t believe in God. Satanist, You are going to hell, You are a bad person.
I am Mexican American. Illegal immigrant, dirty, criminal.
I am White. Cracker, I hate white people!

You tear yourself apart and rip out with anger and frustration all that you are made of and slam it on the table and argue with the voices on the other side who claim they know what is better for you.

Or…

You shield your insides, everything that makes you who you are, and hide them from the dominant voices that say what is wrong with you. You hide away in fear of rejection.

The painful discourse within begins….

Who am I? Is it bad for me to be me? Do I need to be better or different? But why can’t people just accept or love me for who I am? Screw everyone! I’ll be and do what I want! But I am sick of people judging me! I crave acceptance! Wait, no I don’t! I don’t care! Screw everyone! I believe in God, but I don’t believe being gay is bad. How does that make me bad? I AM NOT ALL BAD! I AM NOT ALL GOOD! SOMEBODY GIVE ME ANSWERS!

Slow down….
Just slow down…

Feel the stillness… take a deep breath in for five seconds.

One…
I am a feminist, and I don’t hate men and I don’t want to emasculate them.

Two…
I believe in God, and I love atheist, Muslims, Catholics, and Buddhists.

Three…
I am Mexican, and I don’t speak Spanish but I love my heritage.

Four…
I am straight woman, and I love you whether you are gay, bi-sexual, transgendered. No matter who you are.

Five…
I am imperfect, I am strong, I am beautiful, and I am flawed. I am okay.

Now breathe out.

There.

You feel that now? That feeling is what I am talking about. It is the stillness of the mind. A moment where you are calm and can feel your mind feeling relaxed and peaceful. It is the moment where you are okay and content with who you are. You accept that your multi-dimensional and don’t have to be stuck in binaries. You can be everything you want to be at once, and nobody can take that from you. It doesn’t matter what people tell you is right or wrong. All that matters is what brings your mind to this stillness and makes your heart beat with ease. Now do you feel the joy overflowing in you? That is because you can love yourself. You will love yourself. I will love you for you.

Enjoy this stillness. Eventually discourse will come again and you will feel lost, but remember… you will find yourself again and be able to feel this sweet stillness where there is no battle in the mind. You will be okay. You are not alone.